Today I want to talk to you about a phenomenon that plagues many hyper-achievers.
Are you a hyper-achiever? Do you tie your worth to accomplishing goals? If so, then, like me, you're probably hijacked from time to time by a perverse feeling called impostor syndrome.
It turns out to be something much more common than we imagine among very successful men and women. That in our darkest intimacy we come to feel that our success might be accidental, that we don't deserve it, and that we are simply a fraud.
So, to try and silence that little voice, we adopt different mechanisms. One is perfectionism. Everything has to be perfect, and we have to let others know to prove our worth. Or we procrastinate, to avoid facing the questioning.
In both cases, one is sabotaging oneself. On the one hand, we are fueling our insecurity to mistreat ourselves uselessly, and on the other, we are falling victim to our ego, which hinders our ability to build deeper, more real, and more lasting human relationships.
You don't have to be perfect all the time, just like procrastinating doesn't solve anything. Besides, you don't have to prove anything to anyone anymore. Your achievements speak for themselves. You're sensational!
So what can be done to overcome imposter syndrome?
The first thing is to accept that we humans are not perfect and never will be. And that's okay. Life is a journey more than a destination.
Then we have to ask ourselves what the root cause of this behavior is. And everything points to the fact that as children, we adopted the idea that we have to be perfect to survive and be loved by a very demanding father or mother, or some other authority figure. And later, as adults, it unconsciously became our way of facing life and seeking acceptance.
The time has come to rest. To recognize that you are perfect, that you are perfect as you are. That you don't have to justify yourself or prove your worth. With this, I don't mean that you shouldn't strive to keep learning, growing, and surpassing yourself. Quite the contrary. The difference is that now you will do it from the perspective of the wise person, not the saboteur.
It turns out people love you for who you are. For your values. For your integrity. For your humanity.
So, today I invite you to be authentic and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
It turns out that when you're not so rigid with yourself, life flows better. Because starting from a simpler stance makes us more attractive human beings who build deeper emotional bonds. This leads to greater success, intimacy, and happiness.
Happy New Year.